Can I Take a Moment away from the Lunacy

Vote against Prop 2 because it's ridiculous. More info here:

http://www.nononsenseinnovember.com/

I just went and early voted, and it was scarily easy to do so because the polling station was so empty.

Okay, no more politics...hi-jinks about my underpants and my cats to return tomorrow.

But vote, damn it!

Kevin is Marrying a Fraud

I just realized that the dude who played "Buster Poindexter" and sang that annoying-as-hell 80s tune "Feelin' Hot Hot Hot!" was also the lead singer of the New York Dolls...didn't know it before, but I know it now.

How do I know this? I just watched about four hours of "I Love the 80s 3-D" on VH-1.

When Kevin is not home, I become a 16-year-old boy. Beer, pizza, and jerkin' off. That's what I do when he's not here. But more than anything...I watch the television that he denies me...moronic, pointless clip shows on E! (The 101 Most SHOCKING Runway Moments, E! True Hollywood Story: The Curse of the Exorcist, etc.), moronic, pointless clip shows on VH1 (Best Week Ever, Surreal Life), and episode upon episode of Law and Order.

WHY DO YOU DENY ME THESE THINGS KEVIN? AM I NOT A HUMAN BEING?

When he's here, I'm all about reading The New Yorker, watching PBS, and crap like that. I've just realized our marriage is totally going to be based on lies. I am a mirage. I am a phony. If I had to choose between The New Yorker and a marathon of America's Next Top Model I would choose America's Next Top Model. In a heartbeat.

Feelin' hot hot hot...

Astroworld Fashions

This is a little late, but can I tell you about the fashions I witnessed at Astroworld this past Saturday afternoon?

Fresh off the Paris runway, it's camel toe time with just a hint of frayed denim. Yes, ladies, just hike up those too-small denim shorts and give us all a glimpse of what's down below. Shy about your dimpled thighs showing or a pubic hair breaking free? Please. What's a little dimple of fat or one stray curlicue in the world of glamour?

Make sure to pair these lovely shorts with a tank top that barely covers your bosom (the bigger the bosom the better, natch). Tank top colors in this season: HOT pink, black, or envy-me green.

Now, for maximum style, it's a must to have a fun little slogan printed across the front of your shirt. Some of the slogans I saw at Astroworld included PORN STAR, IF YOU CAN'T FIND YOUR BOYFRIEND HE'S WITH ME, MILF-IN-TRAINING, and the ever-popular IT'S ALL ABOUT ME. Aren't those slogans *such* a laff-riot? I mean, do you think you could *find* anything more original or snarky than those slogans? I bet the person who makes them up is probably just the funniest person alive, don't you think?

For the fellas...make sure your wifebeater is a wee bit dirty to help draw attention to that oh-so-original tribal armband you have tattooed on your bicep. Now, for the shorts. Are they hangin'? Can we get a glimpse of your boxers (Tasmanian Devil boxers, of course)? Awesome. That's what we want to see. Now get your `Stros ball cap tilted to one side and look like you could assault someone in the parking lot, and you're golden.

Keep it crunk y'all.

The Joy of Taco Cabana

How is it physically possible that I have existed in this city for over five years and until Wednesday of this week I HAD NEVER BEEN TO A TACO CABANA?

I was under the impression that the T.C. (my loving lil' nickname for this establishment) was just a greasy, gross, Taco Bell wannabe. Let me say this: Taco Bell is rhymes with Hell for a reason. Their food is crap. Crap rolled up in a little tortilla. I've eaten Taco Bell once in my life because my sister insisted, and when I picked it up from the drive through, (note I do not say drive-thru; I'm an English teacher, damn it) the "employee" at the window literally rubbed her arm/hand against her nose and then handed me my food.

Taco Cabana is a different story. T.C. is fresh, not too greasy, affordable, has a veggie option BESIDES bean burritto, has friendly people at the window, takes credit cards, is open all the time, and is close to my work establishment.

Thank you T.C. I am only sorry I will die someday and will not have taken full advantage of my T.C. time.

Thank you also to my co-worker who turned me on to the stuff.

Slim-Fast for Dinner

Conversation that just happened between K-Dawg and myself:

ME: "I don't feel like making dinner, so I'm just going to have a can of Slim-Fast. Do you think that's gross?"

KEVIN: "I don't know. By cooking do you mean putting a frozen dinner in the oven?"

ME: "Go fuck yourself."

On a side note...if you say `can of Slim-Fast' real fast, it sounds like you're saying `can of Whoop-ass.'