Astroworld Fashions

This is a little late, but can I tell you about the fashions I witnessed at Astroworld this past Saturday afternoon?

Fresh off the Paris runway, it's camel toe time with just a hint of frayed denim. Yes, ladies, just hike up those too-small denim shorts and give us all a glimpse of what's down below. Shy about your dimpled thighs showing or a pubic hair breaking free? Please. What's a little dimple of fat or one stray curlicue in the world of glamour?

Make sure to pair these lovely shorts with a tank top that barely covers your bosom (the bigger the bosom the better, natch). Tank top colors in this season: HOT pink, black, or envy-me green.

Now, for maximum style, it's a must to have a fun little slogan printed across the front of your shirt. Some of the slogans I saw at Astroworld included PORN STAR, IF YOU CAN'T FIND YOUR BOYFRIEND HE'S WITH ME, MILF-IN-TRAINING, and the ever-popular IT'S ALL ABOUT ME. Aren't those slogans *such* a laff-riot? I mean, do you think you could *find* anything more original or snarky than those slogans? I bet the person who makes them up is probably just the funniest person alive, don't you think?

For the fellas...make sure your wifebeater is a wee bit dirty to help draw attention to that oh-so-original tribal armband you have tattooed on your bicep. Now, for the shorts. Are they hangin'? Can we get a glimpse of your boxers (Tasmanian Devil boxers, of course)? Awesome. That's what we want to see. Now get your `Stros ball cap tilted to one side and look like you could assault someone in the parking lot, and you're golden.

Keep it crunk y'all.