In My Day, Hipster Boys Didn't Show Their Butt Cracks

Last week Kevin and I went to this new bar in Montrose called Boondocks because he has a Tuesday night gig with Little Joe Washington. I don't really go out much anymore, and when I do, it's to the same old bar I always go to (Rudz), so I suppose I was a little shocked at how old I felt when I walked into the aforementioned Boondocks.

Specifically, I had this realization:

Back in my day, hipster boys didn't show their ass cracks.

Now I'll grant you, back in 1995 you had boys whacking everyone with their wildly swinging wallet chains and wearing Buddy Holly glasses when they didn't even suffer from myopia. But we didn't ever, ever get a peek of their private parts. Unless we were really drunk and went home with them.

What the hell is going on with these 21-year-old emo/hipster/art school boys with painted-on T-shirts from their middle school days (which happened only a few years ago, for them) and then these tight as hell pants that are showing their ass cracks every time they lean over or merely bend forward slightly at the waist? I saw the bartender's butt and the butt of the sound guy. I mean Jesus.

I'm not even talking about overweight, ugly dudes. (That would make it much worse.) I'm talking about young, attractive men just out of their teens that, quite frankly, don't need to be showing butt to score attention.

Do they not know their butts are showing? Surely they feel the breeze when they bend over? Certainly a girlfriend or friend has noticed and perhaps commented on the situation?

Now I know when I was but a wee lass cell phones weighed 500 pounds and we had these crazy contraptions called Discmans that were portable CD players because iPods hadn't been invented yet. So I know we were deprived and perhaps for that reason we missed out on what might be the fun of showing off your bottom to complete strangers. And sure we were living in the heydey of the Clinton administration and it was a simpler, gentler time, and possibly that's why our young men weren't driven to putting on a peep show everytime they bent over to tie their Converse All Stars. But whatever the reason, you know, I miss that era. Because by God we had a little respect for ourselves. And because in my day, hipster boys didn't show their butt cracks.