Teeth Fell Out

I went to get the petticoat today and the seamstress apparently sewed it while drunk. It was all F'ed up...I almost started crying until Sharon talked me down from the ledge (thanks Sharon). Then they brought in master seamstress Juanita who had to crawl around on her hands and knees and fixed it (thanks Juanita).

I had a dream last night that my teeth broke and fell out. They broke into itty bitty pieces.

Marriage is great, but some part of me thinks weddings should be against the law.

I need to just get married already. Let's just get F'ing married.

Teeth fell out.

Here's what the dream experts say about that:

http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art10573.asp

Petticoat Junction

I needed a petticoat for my wedding dress, and last night I was in deep fear that I would not ever find one.

Fortunately, my dear friend Sharon helped me locate one...last night we were on the phone while simultaneously surfing the online store of a place in Washington state literally called "Petticoat Junction."

Sample conversation:

"Okay, so this one might be long enough, but it's of that nylon material."

"What I need is, like, a crinoline?"

"Do you think that you could just get a short petticoat and just have it made longer? Or a long one and have it made shorter?"

If you'd told me back in the day when I didn't shave my pits and shit that I would be saying the word "petticoat" approximately 1,254 in one day, I would have thrown my copy of Sisterhood is Powerful at ya and laughed out loud.

We finally found one...we went to a store called "I Do, I Do" and found a nice one that has to be altered. At around 10:30 this morning I found myself standing on a box while a woman with a vague Eastern European accent stuck me with pins and muttered to herself. Not far from me, a fellow bride-to-be sobbed quietly as she was told that her veil was not yet ready.

Instead of calling it "I Do, I Do" it should be called "Torture Chamber for Middle Class Girls."

Anyhoo...so...yeah...I'm getting married!