OnStar commercials = weeping

In the name of all that is good and holy on this Earth can I please just get married already.

I had a breakdown tonight when the woman from the reception site sent me a very rude and nasty email about how my florist was doing this and the caterer was doing that and don't I want my deposit back, huh huh huh?

Please Goddess above, protect us.

Tonight I had, essentially, a breakdown of sorts of the wedding kind. Of all the stress associated with all the B.S. that comes with getting married. About how it just consumes you and forces you to make choices that in normal life wouldn't matter one iota to you but in Bizarro Wedding World start to make you feel like you're a part of the fucking Yalta Conference.

Stop asking me:

Are you excited about the Big Day?

Are you excited about your last weekend as a free woman? (sorry, I don't view marriage as some kind of arrest)

Are you calling the caterer/florist/minister/photographer to ask when/where/how/why (mom's favorite questions)?

Are you registered anyplace in particular?

What does the dress look like?

Are you changing your name? Why? Why not? (No one asks Kevin these questions, ahem ahem.)

Can I bring a guest?

Are you just so super duper excited to fullfill your lifelong dream and goal (huh)?

I sound like the biggest super B in this post, and I'm sorry. I'm just exhausted, tired, and bored to death from all this wedding talk. As a little girl, I never dressed up as a bride and I never fantasized about my wedding and I'm completely out of my element at this time.

I is bride. I getting married. Me like married! (Claps hands and drools like the big dumb baby bride I am...there is something infantilizing about being a bride, so maybe I am right on about this metaphor.)

Tonight, in the car on the way home, I started crying at an OnStar commercial. You know, the ones where the woman or man gets in a car accident and then they play the actual OnStar transcript complete with whirring sirens in the background and the woman crying and going, "Oh my god, thank you so much OnStar" like OnStar just cured her terminal cancer and bought her a big new house in the Bahamas.

Well yes one of THOSE ads actually made me cry tonight.

Let's just effing get married.

PS Kevin, I love you. To pieces.