My Cats are in Love with Each Other

After four years of a platonic friendship that included the occasional grooming and shared Fancy Feast dinner, it's official. My cats are completely and totally in love with each other.

I don't know what the hell has come over Linus and Lucha, but they are basically spending every minute of the day curled up together on my bed. At first I thought it was cute, the way they were all nestled into each other, all sweet and cozy. But now it's starting to get a little creepy. When Linus moves, Lucha moves, and vice versa. They follow each other everywhere, and they groom each other constantly. Sometimes they sit right next to one another, like thisclosetoeachother and just stare off into who knows where.

And...there's the extremely sick thing that happened in the kitchen the other day. Let me only say that I was fortunate enough not to witness this event because certainly if I had, my eyes would have melted. But...the other day, in our kitchen...Kevin witness Linus, um, mounting Lucha. Yes, they were doin' it, cat style.

They are both fixed, people! What the hell is going on. Lucha kind of meowed like he was in pain, and Kevin just sort of clapped and yelled at them to get them to stop.

"Linus eventually got off Lucha, and then I think he went and had a little kitty cigarette," Kevin told me over the phone, laughing his ass off.

"Shut the hell up, you perv," I answered back.

Our friend Tamarie told us that it's just Linus's way of showing dominance, but if you ask me it's a seriously screwed up situation. Also, I think it's kinda sad that Linus and Lucha have more romance in their lives than me and Kevin do...yeah, did I mention that Kevin's latest thing is drinking Monster and staying up until 2 a.m. watching Comedy Central and/or the Cartoon Network while I pass out from the exhaustion of teaching seventh graders English?

Okay, I need some wine now.